Posts from the ‘Review’ Category

If WV was really like this, I’d have to kill a drag queen.

Before I start, let me say a few things. I know my responsibilities. It is my job to bring important music-related issues to you, the reader. You trust me to tell you about the roads I have traveled to hear great music and the tiny, drug-dealing cavemen that come with the territory.

Today, I won’t be doing that. I won’t provide you with a link to a video. I won’t be gentle.

I have come to you today to air my grievances about a music video parody that I have discovered.

Enjoy.

——————————————————————–

I don’t claim to like Katy Perry. Frankly, I find her music annoying and her body attractive. Nothing more. Upon the release of one of her more recent ‘hits’, California Gurls [sic], I promptly made a Beach Boys reference and went on my way. Honestly, I’ve never listened to the whole song, and I’ve definitely never watched the music video.

However, I’ve seen something similar, but far worse. The almighty BuzzFeed brought a parody to my attention today. It was called ‘West Virginia Gurls’ [sic] and was sung by a fat, ugly drag queen with blue hair. So, I clicked it and loaded it. “What’s not to like?” I thought to myself.

Everything.

Everything is not to like about this song. (I realize that this grammar is terrible, but I am trying to make a point. It’s my blog. Get off my back.)

The song is just a string of vulgar jokes and tired stereotypes. Now, for those of you that know me personally, you may be asking why this is a problem for me. While I do enjoy a good incest joke or meth reference as much as the next 21-year-old, the lyrics were just overwhelmingly retarded. (TAKE THAT, SARAH PALIN!)

As if the whining lyrics weren’t bad enough, the video looks like what would happen if a 16-year-old self-hating gay redneck tired to make a John Waters movie. It is actually that bad. Half the men are dressed as ugly women, and the other half are dressed in nothing but poop-stained underwear and baseball caps. One person has a baby hanging from their stomach. One person uses a corn cob as a sexual device.

It’s all just unbearably bad. Not offensive, mind you. I was prepared for offensive. I was actually hoping for offensive. This is just…. bad. That’s really the only word to describe it.

I watched the whole video. For you, the reader. I did it so you didn’t have to. Notice that I didn’t post a video, but only because I don’t want you to watch it. I don’t want you to suffer. I want to save you the 4 minutes and 3 three seconds that I wasted on this hillbilly-ripping, drug-fueled musical abortion.

I urge you, the reader, to keep your prying minds and swift fingers from searching for it on YouTube. But if you decide to take a look, but blame me for the bandwidth and time that you decided to waste.

Advertisements

The Domino Effect

Some days, I sit at the computer keyboard, mouse in hand, and waste the entire day playing FrontierVille. I’m not ashamed to admit that in the past couples week I have become rather addicted to the game. But on the days that I surf away from the time-consuming bother and waste my time elsewhere, I find some really amazing musicians and the works that they create.

A few days ago, I found a good one.

Brett Domino is not just a quiet, nerdy, musical adventurer from Leeds. He is not just an well-kept secret from the UK underground. He is not just an avid stylophone enthusiast.

Brett Domino is the man who made me enjoy the music of Lady Gaga. For those of you that know me personally, you know my dislike for all things Gaga. I hate her music. I hate her voice. I hate her “eccentric” style of dress. Frankly, I liked her better the first time when she was called David Bowie. But Brett has performed her song “Bad Romance” in such a way that appeals greatly to me:


with tiny electronic gizmos, claves, and a ukelele!

Being that Brett discusses (in full detail) the two electronic instruments played in the video, I’ll spare you the time and details. But, if you’d like to know a little more, you can click here or here. Also, Brett’s homepage (with is still under construction) and YouTube channel have been provided. Be sure to check out his Justin Timberlake medley as well.

Silly Love Song

I come to you tonight, not as a writer or blogmaster, but as a man who holds more failed love interests in his heart than lap records on Mario Kart. A man who may know what buttons to press for a split-second power boost, but not what chords to strum to win a heart. A man who can honestly say the occasional Blue Shell should be feared much more than the frequent blue balls.

Tonight, I bring to you, the reader, a song that mixes the two.

Keep in mind that it is not my point to steal Sam Hart’s thunder, but to praise him for a job very well done.

If you can recall a time when 8- or 16-bit video games were king, and you can relate to this whole crazy theme of ‘love’ that Hart (almost a pun, yes?) is referring to, then I believe you will absolutely love this song.

The phrases that Hart turns are nothing short of musical mastery. The music itself is not complicated, but the message is, and the two intertwine throughout the relatively short piece in such a way as to bring a very sincere meaning to the borderline kitschy lyrics. But is it not the calling of the musician to pull words and phrases from his psyche that clearly convey his feelings?

I say it is.

We can all recall a time when we felt like the Toad to our love interest’s Princess Peach, a time when we would continue to cut in front of them and foil every trap, even without recognition from the one we desired. We ‘protected them from red shells’ at every corner.
We blistered our fingers for the one we loved… and we were stepped on like a toadstool in a mucky bog.

Perhaps you are dealing with this feeling presently.

Perhaps your humble scribe is feeling this as he writes. (Don’t count on it.)

Whether the song brings a tear to our eye or a smile to our face (or perhaps… both?), those born under NES’s reign and bred into the Super Nintendo empire can share a laugh, a cry, or a melody because of this man’s contribution to the internet.

So, I say to you, reader…. listen again. Remember those times when your Princess helped to create sparks in your wheels and heart. And for those of you who have not yet experienced that odd feeling of pain from taking the fall of the banana peel in turn 3 of Rainbow Road and happiness in knowing that your Princess could ride on undisturbed, let me remind you that…

your Princess is in another castle.